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CJ

July 23rd, 2008

My goldfish’s name is Pesto, but now that I feel like we’re friends, I secretly call him CJ. I think it’s a friendlier name for a goldfish with his personality. He’s his own fish. He likes to put his mouth on the algae that grows in the bowl when I leave the water too long. He also knows when it’s time to be fed, and he watches the food container and my hand expectantly, until I drop the food on the surface of the water. He immediately darts for it with such force that water splashes up. His name is still Pesto, but until he does something like sleep with my girlfriend, I will affectionately call him CJ, which doesn’t stand for anything.

Whoa-oa-oa, old habits die hard.

July 19th, 2008

“I love you, but you kind of disgust me.”

I’m gonna go workout a lot now.

Then gonna go see some friends. And have a good time. A really good time.

The Perks of Being Kevin Frey

July 8th, 2008

Back in 2002-ish, The Perks of Being a Wallflower was a really trendy book, and I was told so many times I needed to read it, but I didn’t, because people liked it so much. It was natural for me to resist, but at some point, because it was supposed to be so good, I bought it for Emily (or so she says :). Well, she finally read it, and really liked it, so she gave it to me a month or so ago, insisting that I read it. I did.

Big surprise - it is a really good book. The novel isn’t without its flaws (some of the letters are too “booky” to be letters), but some of the flaws probably aren’t really flaws, and instead are present out of necessity, due to the format in which the book is written. The main character, Charlie, writes a series of letters to a “friend” - someone he doesn’t really know, but has heard respectable things about. These letters make up the book. They follow Charlie through his freshman year of high school, as he makes friends, breaks hearts, does drugs, and discovers himself.

In the book, it’s clear that Charlie is the wallflower, but as the reader, you can’t help but feel that you are also a wallflower, silently standing by, gathering insight from this kid’s journey through one of the most tumultuous periods in his life. I couldn’t help but personally identify with the character (more than I care to admit, in some ways), as I recalled many of my own awkward and infinite moments in high school, but, moreover, I couldn’t help comparing some of Charlie’s attributes and experiences to those of my friends. Parts of this character (and others) fit so many people, which adds to the realism of the story, allowing you to associate most characters and events with your own real-life equivalents.

When all is said and done, Stephen Chbosky, the author, has painted a relatively universal picture of what it is like to experience many teenage firsts, and it’s hard to believe anyone could read this book without remembering what it was like “back then.”

My Insurance Company

June 20th, 2008

Here is a funny story, but first the backstory.

I called up the insurance company (The Hartford, through Wachovia), where we have our company’s general liability policy, and I changed the address on the policy, because we moved. Well, that address change resulted in a new bill of $18.00, but the retards sent our bill to the old address, so it didn’t get here in time, and I was charged a late fee of $20. So I cut a check for $18, and wrote a letter that said, “Hey guys, the address change I made resulted in this new bill, so it would make sense that the new bill should go to the new address. I’m not paying the late fee. Take it off.”

Well, they sent me another bill, with another late fee! So I called up, and I got their automated system, with no option to go to a real person. So, after trying my luck with the automated system for a while, I got frustrated, and on one menu, it read off my choices, and asked me to make a selection.

Automated System: Please make a selection.
Me: I HATE YOU.
Automated System: So you want to speak with an insurance specialist. Is that correct?
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes.

The insurance specialist came on the line and waived my late fees. Joy.

an organ salesman

June 13th, 2008

Can i buy a kidney please? i’m lazy!

I work with Dilbert.

June 12th, 2008

Need I say more? Let me provide an illustration:

Fortune Cookie

June 9th, 2008

I went to a Chinese Restaurant yesterday, and ordered the second meal at this place that sucked a lot. I dont’ think I am going to wait for a third strike.

Don’t ever eat Szechuan Bean Curd. If it sounds gross, yeah, that’s because it is. Don’t think you’re brave by trying it. If you can stomach tofu, go for General Tso’s tofu. That shit is bangin’.

On the upside, here’s my fortune cookie fortune:

In god we trust; all others must pay cash.

And of course it’s surrounded by those little smiley faces, like fortune cookie fortunes sometimes are.

kay em eye

June 7th, 2008

Killer eyes to make pronounced a beautiful smile smiting
Rising suns, in competition, burn out in the midst of fighting
Irony, unappeasing, at my swollen throat, keeps squeezing
Simple signs of harder times, if you I am not pleasing
Tie me to these tracks so you can taste the sickness deep inside
Exit love in bitter pain, miles deep and lightyears wide
No place is adequate shelter for a shivering soul from a hurtful word
Inside, though, we all hide with hope, knowing full well that hope’s absurd
Ride it out, we’re told, and time will heal what medicine won’t touch
Vile desire in my heart afire, or I’m a liar, and you’re my crutch
I can walk again without you now, if from your song I can escape
No track can haunt so well as that in my ears when your voice takes shape

whoa!

June 1st, 2008

Turns out i can blog drunk from a random night club in ocean city with my cell phone! so either wordpress rocks, or sprint’s crappy browser does. or both!

Advice for today

March 26th, 2008

Break up with a musician; become immortalized in song.

Break up with a poet; become immortalized in verse.

See how you can work the system?